mindrides

Put your coat on it’s freezing here. I couldn’t imagine living in the north or south pole. That is what my life feels like, a series of ups and downs. I don’t know how to separate myself from the bipolar. It’s crazy? When I’m down I tune out the world. When I’m up, I have lots of energy and am focused and alert. Sometimes you’ll catch me in the middle.

I almost bought a book today called Madness. It is about a woman suffering with bipolar. I was going to get it until I read the introduction. She talked about slashing up her arms. It was pretty graphic. I thought, do I really need to dwelve into someone’s life who had it that bad?

I know I’ve had hard times myself. My story is unlike anyone else’s because it’s mine. I tried going to a support group once, but I couldn’t relate to anyone there. It’s just like my breast cancer. Everyone goes through such a unique journey.

I ask myself, why did God make me this way? People get the wrong idea when you say that you’re bipolar. I felt compelled this year to send out an email to everyone on my list to let them know. Maybe I was better off when my secret was hidden. I don’t usually tell people until awhile after I’ve gotten to know them. I’m afraid that they will look at me differently.

Being bipolar sucks! Maybe someday I can share what I’ve gone through with other people. After I got diagnosed I read as much material on bipolar as I could. I could hardly find any personal accounts of people suffering through it. I didn’t like the book The Unquiet Mind. She hardly talked about her own story. She was pretty stupid to be in the mental health field, but not recognize that she had similar symptoms. That’s just my take on it.

God willing I will write a book someday about my bipolar. If one person reads it, I’ll be happy. Then I can cross this task off on my bucket list. If you don’t have one yet. I would make one. I got the idea from the movie The Bucket List. You detail the things you want to do before you die. Hopefully you’ll get to do them.

So I’m having one of those days where I’m weird. I’m sure I’ll look back at this post and wonder what was I thinking? My mind is just wandering all over the place today. Now it’s time to rest. Adios mi amigos con queso.