mindrides

Never ask for it, never, ever! It seems like when you do trials come at you like bullets. I’ve made the mistake of wanting some. Unfortunately, it’s been a hell of a ride. I’m stuck in subland, waiting for a real job to come along. When will it be my time?

Everything that I hoped to have as a job this week didn’t worked out. Time stands still or speeds up sometimes it seems. I’ve been looking for work since mid January. Why can’t I just be thankful for what I’ve got, subbing. I could be getting nothing. At least I’m bringing some money home.

I just want something else. Am I to ever teach again or is something else going to come along? One day I’ll look back at all of this and say, “It was just a temporary bump in the road.” So I need to put my seatbelt on and survive the ride.

The mystery amazes me. I just started subbing before Valentine’s day and it’s going okay. I’m glad to have some money coming in. I still need to find a full time job. I play the lottery every morning at 5:30am. There are alot of people looking to sub. I’m grateful for the work I get.

I started with the worst job ever, an alternative middle school. I went into it with blinders on. I found out that I had many names and they weren’t pretty. I survived the day. Somehow with all the referrals, principal, dean and aides in the class throughout the day, they wanted me back. I told them I would think about it. This meant no and they understood why.

So my next assignment was much better. I was working with autistic kids. The aids were fantastic and helped me out a lot. Since the middle school I’ve been blessed with good assignments. I’ve discerned which ones to take. Thanks be to God who has my back! He is providing for us. We’re going to be okay. I’ll get a better job when the time is right. How awesome is he!

Sew my knee, sew my toe, all the way to Mexico. Hee, hee, as I jumped rope today with my rotary cutter (a tool for quilting). I found out that there is a locking mechanism on it so you don’t cut any pieces of your body off. I guess I should play it safe and use my tools properly or suffer the consequences.

I spent 6 hours today quilting. I made a star and from far you can’t see the mistakes. You have to be looking for them. God doesn’t make errors. He made us in his image. I was never a mistake. He wanted me as I am. So I have bipolar, tis gar plen! I won’t when I die.

As our teacher said this past Sunday heaven is not our goal. If it was he would shoot us all and get us there quicker. Thank God he didn’t do that! Instead we should be striving to be christlike. It’s a monstrous task that will be a lifelong process. I’m ready, how about you?

Be still and know that I am God

Be still and know that I am

Be still and know

Be still

Be

I don’t know where this verse is in the bible. I learned this structure from a women’s retreat. How hard it is to just be. Be happy, patient, confident, the list goes on. I want to be all of those, but I’m not there yet. One day at a time. I just need to be where I am, in nowhere, the now & here. I live too much in the past and future. I have regrets and looking ahead is frightful sometimes, though it shouldn’t be. God is with me, that should be enough. I just need to be like him and secure in my skin.